• Samuel Jacobs

Jesus confesses: "I'm just not a fan of country music, it's like torture."

Updated: Jun 29

Even though scores of songs mention Jesus in their lyrics, the Son of God finally confessed that he's that not big of a Country Music Fan.

After another release of yet another Jesus-filled album, the King of Kings finally had to admit he doesn't like the twangy, unoriginal, simplistic and often troublesome-filled country music.

"Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that you are immortalizing me in music, I really do, I just wish it was the Blues, or Jazz." said the Lord Savior.

When confronted about how much of an honor it must be to have such devotion in song, Jesus simply shrugged his shoulders and compared country music to a child's fridge drawing. "Sure, it's appreciated, but in reality it's uninspired shit."


Several country musicians have taken offense at this, and threaten to remove Jesus from any future music unless he apologizes, to which Jesus laughed, "Good! I don't want to be a part of your juvenile, anti-progressive, incest fest. Leave me out of it. It's what I want."


Jesus then put on some Nat King Cole and some Aretha Franklin and sat back with an Irish Coffee and listened with joy and bliss. "That's what I'm talking about. That's how you pay homage to a guy like me."


When asked what would happen if they continued making music in his name. Jesus shrugged, "They can do what they want, they have free will, I can't hear the sound from hell. Not that I'm threatening hell, but bring sun tan lotion."


#satire #religion #religimarole #country #music #parody #atheist #atheism


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