Now released, the 2021 models for stoning blasphemy and infidelity.Smoother, wittier and packing a bone-crunching punch, the Catholic church has revealed the new 2021 Blasphemy and Adultery stones. “On this years models we have decided to use the typeface Times New Roman - breaking away from the tired and overused Helvetica. The serif on the typeface really adds an extra dimension of cruelty.” These replace the 2020 models that only had single words on them. You can order the 2021 Adultery stones from the Catholic church's online store at ww
Church's Gay Conversion Therapy Weekend is the biggest LGBT Party. The Church of the Trinity Blessed thought that it was doing the right thing by putting several fit, oiled-up, horny members of the LGBT community secluded on a weekend getaway with an overtly closeted gay conversion therapist, the result, the best party, only second to Pride. Houston, TX. The wildest party for the LGBT community comes in April the weekend after Easter, which is the Church of Trinity Blessed sponsored Conversion Therapy Weekend. The first year, which was in 19
Because of so many Christians, prison opts to become church.A privately owned prison in Iowa applied for its 501c, non-profit after it realized that more than 90% of it's inmates were of the Christian faith. Ronald Reagan Correctional Penitentiary in Iowa State, home to 1604 prisoners, has a Christian housing rate of 98%. Warden Francis Jessop, saw this as an opportunity to turn his prison into a tax-free haven by turning it into a church. Warden Jessop, who used to be an televangelist under the name of Reverend Lou Sparkle of the Fi
Catholic parents don't know how to react after finding son masturbating to bible.While in the bathroom with the water running, his father questioned the teen why he was in there for so long, and when he opened the door, he was surprised beyond belief. HOUSTON, TX, A teenager's parents have cognitive dissonance because although their son is touching himself in an impure manner, he is doing it while reading his bible. Although the teenager cannot be named in this article, he is the only son of Jared and Karen Steckley and was caught choking the chicken to t
Evangelical Christians protest: Close Reality Conversion Therapy Centers. Evangelical Christians are now protesting the USA's libraries stating that they don't want their tax money going to buying books on anti-Christian topics like abortion or Critical Thinking. Houston, TX. A crowd of several thousand Evangelicals gathered outside the Houston Public Library on McKinney Street downtown to protest the closing of what they call 'Reality Conversion Therapy Centers.' The main reason for the protest is that they don't want government money going to pay
American Christian Hospital’s bill for prayer reaches $247,000.If you are looking for salvation, you better have some good insurance, because salvation doesn't come cheap. Houston, TX. One of the things that they don't tell you about religion is that access to God isn't free. To belong to a church you have to pay a tithe, the Catholic Church has indulgences so you don't have to endure hell, and in Houston Texas, you have to pay a preacher ever times he prays over you in St. Jane Francis Hospital. For those who have deep spiritual needs,
Allah denies knowing extremist who blew himself up in his name.A Muslim extremist blew himself up in a car bomb while shouting Allah's name has been denied knowledge of ever knowing the Muslim Prophet. Mogadishu, Somalia. An extremist by the name of Mohammed El-Staineed decided to blow himself up in an effort to kill some infidels in Allah's name. But it seems his relationship to the muslim prophet was all in his mind as Allah himself has come out saying that he doesn't know this person. "When you're a celebrity, people make up stuff. Th
Angst-filled Teenage Jesus yells at Joseph. "You're not my real dad!"Yelling could be heard throughout Galilee yesterday when Teenage Jesus was asked to do chores but he just wanted to hang out with a dozen guys or sleep the entire weekend away. Teenager Jesus and his step-dad Joseph got into an argument yesterday at Joseph's Fine Furniture. Reports claim that Joseph had a dining room set to finish in time for passover, and if Jesus was to take over the family business, he was needed to help out in the wood shop by doing things like handling
Jesus makes his picks for the big game, dispelling Pascal's Wager.Find out how the Lord and Savior chooses who is going to win the Big Game and who is left repenting. It all comes down to this. After 331 preseason, regular-season and playoff games, Jesus will crown a winner in Tampa on February 7 with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Kansas City Chiefs doing battle for the right to be named Super Bowl 55 champions. When it comes to odds on the big game, the Chiefs opened as slight favorites because Patrick Mahomes, Daniel Sorensen and Tyrell Su
Catholic school to close claiming “There isn't one Pope in the bunch.”St. Regina Francis Middle School has decided to close its doors at the end of the school year because they feel none of their students have what it takes to become Pope. Rochester, NY. For the fifth year straight, the St. Regina Francis Middle School has produced a bunch of 'duds' according to the principal Mike Hardman. This is the third time that they have cleaned house in five years firing as many as 35 teachers each time. "When we hired them, they were all gung-ho to turn
Paula White, Trump's Spiritual Advisor, turned into a pillar of salt before our eyes.Televangelist Paula White, was turned into a pillar of salt when she tried to preach that everyone who didn't think that Trump was the second coming was going to hell. Washington, DC. During a sermon earlier this year, Paula White asked Jesus Christ to condemn all anti-Trumpers go to hell if they weren't on his side and wanted to see him removed from office. For those under a rock, President Donald Trump was been impeached by the House and is currently in trial under the Sen
Jehovah Witnesses complain about intrusive Amber alerts on phones.Amber alert in the early mornings really annoy Jehovah Witnesses, and they aren't taking it lying down. San Francisco, CA. The Jehovah Witnesses of San Francisco have had enough with the intrusive alerts that they receive on their smart phones at all hours of the morning. "Don't they know we get up early in the morning?" said Elder Damon Haversall, editor of Awake! magazine. "What we do isn't easy." It's imperative that Jehovah Witnesses get a good night sleep because only 14
Hell is revealed to be similar to a low scoring Redskins v Browns game.Theologists have studied hell and have come to a consensus. We have already witnessed what Hell is like and it's a Browns vs Redskins game. An extensive studies were conducted over the course of several years and the conclusion is very evident. "There are a lot of similarities," revealed Christopher Grant of the Theological School of the Trinity Blessed. "It's quite remarkable. Well firstly, it doesn't even resemble football as we know it and it seems to take an eternity." O
BREAKING: Vatican severs ties with Big Fish in favor of Tofu on Fridays.For years Catholics have eaten fish on Fridays but after a disagreement with their profit percentage, they have severed ties with the Fishing industry in favor for a more equitable relationship: Tofu. Catholics are being asked to abstain from eating meat on Fridays as an act of penance, reviving a centuries-old tradition. Bishops say Friday should be a day of penitence as it is the day on which Christ is said to have died. They say Friday penance will be "a clear and distinct
Chick-fil-A caves to Big Grammar and finally apologizes for their name. After protests from the GASS, Chick-fil-A came out with a statement today apologizing for all the ills that they have caused the Grammar and Spelling community in the supporting of the blatant misspelling of their name. ATLANTA, GA. As delicious as their chicken is, their company stands for something more sinister, the subjugation and contribution of corporate misspelling in society. Chick-fil-A released a statement today that it is taking ownership for all of the bad blood t
War on Christian Music: 'In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida' should be changed to "In the Garden of Eden.Christians are rallying against music that they deem unchristian. In an attempt to mainstream Christianity, the Christian Unity National Tenement Society have decided to bring the fight to all things anti-Christian, and by anti-Christian, they are referring to everything that remotely vilifies Christianity in any way. Their first order of business is to tackle the Devil laden music industry. Iron Butterfly‘s mega-hit In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida is a perfect example on how there is an
BREAKING: Houston first city to test Giant Prayer Robots. The landscape of Houston has changed once again with the adoption of Giant Prayer Robots roaming the city to remind you to pray to the Lord Jesus Christ. In an attempt to make Houston the holiest city in the United States, it has become the first city to be overrun by giant prayer robots to remind people politely to pray to the Lord Jesus Christ. At a cost of $4B each to taxpayers, Houston has acquired 14 of them. Even though Houston hasn't fully recovered from the flooding f
Rev. Ted Haggard calls for human extinction: Straight people birth gays.In an attempt to become relevant again, Reverend Ted Haggard calls for the extinction of the entire human race because any one of us can give birth to a gay. COLORADO SPRINGS, CO. To extend his anti-LGBT stance, Reverend Ted Haggard of the New Life Church now calls for the Extinction of all humans on the planet in a mass genocide like the God of the Bible did. "Straight people beget gay people, and it says so right there in the bible that it's an abomination." says Reverend H
Your family can be a contestant on Season 2 of: Survive God's Wrath.THIS FALL: 12 Families are pitted against each other in a fight for survival and the family that wins is allowed to live on a wooden boat after God destroys Earth's population. Fox's new game show, Survive God's Wrath is the next game show sensation where 12 families go through a grueling test of endurance and stamina as they take on several tasks to prove themselves to God that they are worth surviving another Global Flood. Some of the tasks that they will have to do is, sho
Jesus' personal AR15 sold for $250,000 at auction.The AR15 that Jesus personally owned sold for a whopping $250,000 dollars at Auction. Sothebys had an auction recently where it sold off some highly sought after Christian Relics that were a part of a private collection of a Billionaire from Texas. Amongst those artifacts were items that were attributed directly to Jesus himself from his high school days. One of the more interesting items was the AR15 that Jesus personally owned as a holy crusader in Galilee. The rifle, which
PROOF: Atheists faith in God triples when exposed to facebook memes. When exposed to positive Christian messages and memes on facebook, an Atheists faith in God triples to what it once was. A study was done...
Found: the key holder that teen Jesus made in shop class is proof of God. The key holder Jesus made for his imaginary father in high school has been discovered in an archeological dig in Nazareth and is currentl...
Bohemian Rhapsody banned in Georgia unless Islamic lyrics altered. "Bohemian Rhapsody" is a song by the British rock band Queen. It was written by Freddie Mercury for the band's 1975 album A Night at the ...
Anarchy as Flat Earth dome halts Christians ascent during the rapture. The Flat Earth dome that covers the world is preventing raptured Christians from reaching heaven and being with Jesus Christ. When the wo...
