BREAKING: Priest fails during Church's 'Undercover Boss' episode.
Before Jesus returned to the world, he decided to test his flock and participate in the widely-acclaimed television show Undercover Boss. Let's just say it didn't go well.
It has been a while since Jesus has checked on his family business and when he left them 2000 some-odd years ago, when they seemed to be on the right track to become something really great. Little did he realize that it has have become a haven for greed, depravity, and of course, sin.
Several employees has taken to performing sex acts on children, and instead of being fired and charged for their crimes, they was just moved around to other parishes and replaced with other priests with the same problem.
"The thought of what he did is horrible, sure." said Jesus, "But I'm really going to see a drop in profits. That's not okay. All you have to do is follow the employee handbook. How can they screw it up so badly?"
Because his business employs so many people, he is having trouble trying to reconcile the downturn it has taken and is looking for a way to fix it.
He has tried several things over the years including 'aggressive recruiting' by sending out a group of sales people on a crusade to increase subscriptions, 'aggressive incentives' by allowing people to join of their own volition or else they have to work in the overheated basement, 'branch companies' which have taken his core business, but have deviated from the mission statement, and 'strategic alliances' with other businesses that certainly helped destroy the competition.
When asked why he just doesn't show up one day and set things right, Jesus responded with "Then they'll never be able to make upper management if I have to hold their hand."
Frustrated because he is losing customers on a daily basis to either Islam or no religion at all, he may have to step in soon and clean house. That would involve firing all of his current staff and replacing them with good Christians, which has become increasingly harder to find.