top of page
  • Writer's pictureSamuel Jacobs

Atheists sneaking into churches and putting googly eyes on all the Christs.

"No Christ Left Behind" is the motto of a bunch of anonymous militant atheists who sneak into churches and place googly eyes on images and statues of Jesus Christ.

BIRMINGHAM, AL, Because churches have decided to remain open during this pandemic, as a harsh lesson to those who have chosen to ignore the CDC's warning on social distance, a group of militant vandal atheists have been sneaking into churches and placing googly eyes on all images of Christ.

"No I don't think this is funny." said Father Peter Kinderfelt. "Jesus now looks shocked every time we pray."

The police were called and they found that the googly eyes weren't harmful to any of the paintings or statues because of the easily removable adhesive, so in essence no crime has actually been committed and since there are no witnesses, no charges have been filed.

The googly baby Jesus in the manger.

When the Secular And Crucial Rebellion Of Sacred And Non Critical Thinking (SACROSANCT) of Alabama were contacted for their comment, they had this to say,

"That's shocking. I mean why would someone go down to a craft store a buy a bag of 300 eyes for like 6 bucks? It's a crying shame that a piece of sticky paper was put on a stone statue."

After some quick research, you can indeed buy a bag of 286 from Walmart for just over $6.


Although a harmless prank, several Christians are calling for the heads of those who performed the act. "You are supposed to be a servant of Jesus, ready to do his bidding and make yourself his slave. You can't have fun with the lord."


All of the Alabama Islamic centers have also been vandalized with the googly eyes on images of Muhammed. The Imam couldn't be reached for comment as they are probably organizing a Fatwa.

Altered image of Muhammed at the Kudrow Islamic Center in Alabama

Hopefully this trend doesn't continue, and it doesn't continue soon.


bottom of page