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  • Writer's pictureSamuel Jacobs

BREAKING: During quarantine, atheists stealing babies for food.

American Christians families are having their children stolen so atheists can feed their family.

Normally atheists have quelled their desire for fresh baby meat with an abundance of animal meat readily available at grocery stores and butchers, but now with the quarantine on, they are unable to get the meat that keeps them from eating fresh babies.

An ex-atheist born again Christian had this to say, "We steal babies and eat them. This is why I turned to Christ. I got tired of eating babies like our Supreme ruler Richard Dawkins said to do."

In a lesser know passage of the atheist bible, it says that it's okay to eat the flesh of babies, and that atheists are free to procure them in any way possible. Well, atheists are taking advantage of Christians who are ignoring the quarantine and taking a walk with their families.

One family who had their child stolen, had this to say, "A dark van drove up, on me and my pregnant wife and our new born. They held a foreign made gun on us, it looked German. It certainly wasn't American. They tried to convince us that we should have had an abortion because then they took our son, I could see in the van that they had just done a grocery shop and they were going to eat our baby with potatoes and vegetables."

This epidemic is widespread, in amongst the pandemic, this could signal end times. Says Christian leaders. The President in a Twitter Press Briefing had this to say,

Actual atheists had this to say, "Uhhh, no."


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