• Samuel Jacobs

Found: the key holder that teen Jesus made in shop class is proof of God.

Updated: Jun 22

The key holder Jesus made for his imaginary father in high school has been discovered in an archeological dig in Nazareth and is currently on display in the Vatican.

During an archeological dig in Nazareth, they have uncovered some items that they feel that belonged to Jesus Christ. One item in particular that confirms that they indeed belong to Jesus' was a key holder that Jesus had made for his celestial father in shop class in high school, before he graduated and took up the carpentry trade.

"He knew who his father was even at a young age," said Special Christian Archeologist to the Vatican, Dr. Doug Trowel. "and longed to have a relationship with him, and would make him artwork in school."

He says that the wood is indicative of the wood from trees that could have existed at the time, and expert speculative ocular dating puts it at 1st century Mesopotamia and finally what really excites him is that his name is carved into the back.

Inscription: I LUV U SKY DADDY / JASHUA - XIV

The inscription on the back reads: "I luv u sky daddy / Jashua - XIV. We aren't sure why what the XIV is, it could be the year, or indeed Jesus' age at the time that he carved this.


COULD IT BE FAKE?

Scientific scholars have not been allowed near the artifact to verify its authenticity, but they have examined the pictures and have concluded that it is indeed a forgery. Dr. Desmond Threepeat, Chief Biblical Historical Scholar for Oxford University had this to say,

"Well, firstly it the wood is machine planed and the hooks machine crafted. The whole thing is written in modern English using common texting abbreviations and the name Jashua is spelled incorrectly, not to mention the letter J did not exist then." Dr. Threepeat continued, "Not only that, the shoddy workmanship is not indicative of someone who grew up around carpentry. This is not only a forgery, but the worst forgery in the history of forgeries."

Dr. Threepeat continued on saying, that even if it was a piece of wood that was carved by a first century artisan named Jashua. It still doesn't prove the claims of Christianity.


RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE

Now declared a religious artifact by the Vatican, Christians have gone on a pilgrimage to the holy city and have lined up for days just to get a glimpse of it. When people see it in its protective case, they have a religious experience that could only verify its origin.

"Even though science is denying the existence of Christ, the faithful know the artifact to be authentic." said a Gary, a Christian from Des Moines, Iowa.


BREAKING: Angst-filled Teenage Jesus yells at Joseph. "You're not my real dad!"


#satire #religimarole #atheist #atheism #ProofofJesus #skydaddy


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