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  • Writer's pictureSamuel Jacobs

Helium truck hits sex doll transport resulting in Christians thinking it's the rapture.

When a helium truck stuck a transport carrying blow-up sex dolls on the 405 today, the resulting aftermath caused Evangelical Christians to think it was the rapture.

Tallahassee, FL. Disaster struck when a helium truck, delivering precious helium to Dollartree's around the state for people to use during their children's birthday parties, crashed into a truck delivering inflatable sex dolls to Governor DeSantis' house. The resulting crash caused the sex dolls to fill with the helium and float skyward, leading Evangelical Christians to believe that the rapture had finally come.

"I knew this was a sign from Jesus," said Evangelical Christian Henry Newborn. "The raptured ones had an incredible Jesus-inspired look on their face as they flew heavenward."

When several Evangelical Christians saw the sight, and then realized that they weren't apart of the original rapture group, all stripped down naked and paraded around the streets waiting for their turn to taken by their god.

Those who weren't fooled by the accident conveniently took to their firearms and started shooting the floating sex dolls because what else are you going to do with your AR15 on a Tuesday afternoon.

The misconception went on for several hours and the National Guard was called in to round up all the naked Evangelicals who were praying and clamouring to be seen by their god who has ignored them for the last 2000 years.

Governor DeSantis had expensed all of the sex dolls causing the taxpayers to fund his sex hobby.


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