Pissed-off Christian returns to crappy job he quit, hoping it was end times. Stuart Martin Briggs walked into his work at Wal-mart on Saturday with his head held low after he quit because he was sure that the end times were upon us and he'd be with Jesus. Mobile, AL. Stuart Martin Briggs skulked through the poorly-lit store to the silent condemnation amongst the pimple-faced shelf stockers and the judgmental overly made-up cashiers, past his barely out of high-school manager that he had to beg for reprieve, to his soul-crunching job in the fully-booke
Fat Jesus put on drastic workout regimen to get fit for the rapture. After 2000 years, Jesus' agents have decided that Jesus is finally ready to come back for the rapture, but he needs to get in shape first. Jerusalem, Israel. Christians are finally going to get their wish by being raptured by Jesus, but there is a slight snag. Jesus has let him self go over the last 2000 years and has gained 300 pounds and desperately needs to get into shape for the big reveal. To help whip him into shape, Jesus' representatives at The William Morris Agency h
Tiny lights appear over LA during Pandemic. Christians cry rapture.Millions of lights appeared in the night sky over Los Angeles. It could only mean one thing. Los Angeles, CA. As if by the will of some divine entity, millions of tiny lights appeared in the night over Los Angeles over the past few weeks, and Christians feel it could only be one thing: The Rapture. "It's like all the angels are coming down from the heavens to brings us to see Jesus." said Agnes Newsome, a native Angelino and Evangelical Christian. "I've never seen anything li
Anarchy as Flat Earth dome halts Christians ascent during the rapture.The Flat Earth dome that covers the world is preventing raptured Christians from reaching heaven and being with Jesus Christ. When the world was raptured on April 12th, Christians who have waited two millennium for the event, seemed relieved that they were finally going to spend eternity with their savior. That was until they started gathering at the top of the Earth trapped inside the flat earth dome preventing them from reaching their heavenly destination. The sounds of pan
BREAKING:The Rapture has come and all true Christians have returned to heaven with Jesus.In case you missed it, the Christian Rapture has happened and all True Christians have departed this earthly body and are now in the presence of their supreme being. December 22nd, 2019 was an incredible day for all true Christians. At 06:00 EST Jesus returned all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready to return to heaven with all of the true Christians who followed his teaching and did what he asked of them, according to the bible. At around 11:30, after no one had shown up, Je
PROOF: Atheists faith in God triples when exposed to facebook memes. When exposed to positive Christian messages and memes on facebook, an Atheists faith in God triples to what it once was. A study was done...
Found: the key holder that teen Jesus made in shop class is proof of God. The key holder Jesus made for his imaginary father in high school has been discovered in an archeological dig in Nazareth and is currentl...
Bohemian Rhapsody banned in Georgia unless Islamic lyrics altered. "Bohemian Rhapsody" is a song by the British rock band Queen. It was written by Freddie Mercury for the band's 1975 album A Night at the ...
Anarchy as Flat Earth dome halts Christians ascent during the rapture. The Flat Earth dome that covers the world is preventing raptured Christians from reaching heaven and being with Jesus Christ. When the wo...
