When a helium truck stuck a transport carrying blow-up sex dolls on the 405 today, the resulting aftermath caused Evangelical Christians to think it was the rapture. Tallahassee, FL. Disaster struck when a helium truck, delivering precious helium to Dollartree's around the state for people to use during their children's birthday parties, crashed into a truck delivering inflatable sex dolls to Governor DeSantis' house. The resulting crash caused the sex dolls to fill with the

Stuart Martin Briggs walked into his work at Wal-mart on Saturday with his head held low after he quit because he was sure that the end times were upon us and he'd be with Jesus. Mobile, AL. Stuart Martin Briggs skulked through the poorly-lit store to the silent condemnation amongst the pimple-faced shelf stockers and the judgmental overly made-up cashiers, past his barely out of high-school manager that he had to beg for reprieve, to his soul-crunching job in the fully-booke

After 2000 years, Jesus' agents have decided that Jesus is finally ready to come back for the rapture, but he needs to get in shape first. Jerusalem, Israel. Christians are finally going to get their wish by being raptured by Jesus, but there is a slight snag. Jesus has let him self go over the last 2000 years and has gained 300 pounds and desperately needs to get into shape for the big reveal. To help whip him into shape, Jesus' representatives at The William Morris Agency h

Millions of lights appeared in the night sky over Los Angeles. It could only mean one thing. Los Angeles, CA. As if by the will of some divine entity, millions of tiny lights appeared in the night over Los Angeles over the past few weeks, and Christians feel it could only be one thing: The Rapture. "It's like all the angels are coming down from the heavens to brings us to see Jesus." said Agnes Newsome, a native Angelino and Evangelical Christian. "I've never seen anything li

The Flat Earth dome that covers the world is preventing raptured Christians from reaching heaven and being with Jesus Christ. When the world was raptured on April 12th, Christians who have waited two millennium for the event, seemed relieved that they were finally going to spend eternity with their savior. That was until they started gathering at the top of the Earth trapped inside the flat earth dome preventing them from reaching their heavenly destination. The sounds of pan