• Samuel Jacobs

Tiny lights appear over LA during Pandemic. Christians cry rapture.

Millions of lights appeared in the night sky over Los Angeles. It could only mean one thing.

Los Angeles, CA. As if by the will of some divine entity, millions of tiny lights appeared in the night over Los Angeles over the past few weeks, and Christians feel it could only be one thing: The Rapture.

"It's like all the angels are coming down from the heavens to brings us to see Jesus." said Agnes Newsome, a native Angelino and Evangelical Christian. "I've never seen anything like it!"

Christians from New York and Chicago are experiencing the same things. Tiny light angels are ascending to Earth to take away all the real Christians. "I've been waiting for this moment all my life. Oh Lord." said Pastor Sid Handler, from the First Church of the Trinity Blessed. Then he broke out into the Genesis song. "Get it! Genesis. Rapture. It's the beginning and the end of bible." he continued. "What more proof do you atheists need?"


When they were told that the aberrations are just stars because of less pollution in the air due to the quarantine, pastor Sid had this to say, "Why do you hate God? It's like you aren't even trying to believe in a celestial dictator."


MEETING UP AT GETTY PARK

Several Christians have cleansed their bodies and have started fasting, getting ready for the return of their savior. They are going to all gather at Getty Park and await the second coming of Christ, or death due to coronavirus, whatever comes first.


#satire #religimarole #Rapture #getty #LA #angels #stars #atheist #atheism




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