• Samuel Jacobs

Christian appalled after finally reading the entire bible.

Updated: Mar 20

When finally reading the entire bible, an Evangelical Christian is shocked at the content and is reevaluating their life choices.

Houston, Texas, a local Christian man had finally set out to do what many Christians don't do, read the bible in its entirety, and not just the good news version, the entire bible as instructed by Jesus. After finishing it, he put it down and wiped the sweat from his furrowed brow.


"Has this been like this the whole time? This book is frightening. They teach this garbage? I thought it was all miracles, and Jesus passing around the wine, tempting him with whores, then they kill him for it." continued the man, "This book condones slavery, rape, and incest and murder. I had to put it down, it was too shocking."


He made notes along the way and found thousands of inconsistencies, falsehoods, and downright lies. "I wanted to make sure I wasn't just kidding myself." said the man.

"God is kind of a dick. He kills out a lot of people for no reason at all, creates impossible laws, and expects us to just accept it and worship him anyway. Fuck that shit."

He realized that it was himself that was moral, and not the God of the bible. "I would never stand by and watch someone rape a child and do nothing, only to punish them later - [God] is a monster."


When he was confronted by his religious friends and family stating that people should just accept the book for what it is, and that it is the inherent work of God. To which he challenged everyone to read the entire thing themselves. When they tried to counteract with verses from the bible, he had his own source of riposte with quotes from their own book.


When asked what he is going to do now that he isn't governed by the bible, is he going to start raping and murdering? "Are you totally fucking deranged? Why would you even think that?"


#bible, #christian, #satire, #parody #atheism #moral #atheist






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