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  • Writer's pictureSamuel Jacobs

BREAKING: God kills Satan. Religion is finally over. You can all go home.

Updated: Mar 7, 2020

God, distracted for a couple of millennia finally remembers to kill Satan. Now he is planning something new for everyone.

For several millennia, there has been a raging war in the heavens, good vs evil, light vs dark, but in the end, God has finally struck the final blow and has killed Satan, and everything that people have been following religion for, is now over.

"That's it, you can all go home." said God standing over a dead Lucifer. "He's dead. There's nothing more to see here."

It doesn't matter what Abrahamic religion you follow, it's all the same. God has destroyed the devil and it's all done. When asked God why he hadn't destroyed the devil before, he had this to say, "Well, time passes differently for me than it does for you. For me, it's just past lunch."


Now that Lucifer's dead, God plans on doing some more creating. He liked the whole playing with dinosaurs thing, but has been a little disappointed at the human thing. "Maybe I'll try a space alien thing. That seems fun."

Stay tuned for more God exploits.


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