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BREAKING: "Accidental" red sock in heaven's laundry makes angels pink.
During Lucifer's visit over Christmas, a red sock was accidentally washed with all the white frocks, causing all the angel frocks in heaven to be pink. When "accidents" happen in heaven, it usually causes a ripple throughout the universe. In this case, one of Lucifer's red socks was washed with all of the white angel's garb, and the ending result is pink angels. "I don't know how that happened?" Remarked, Lucifer, the prince of darkness. "I normally go home to do laundry, bec

Due to amount of bleach Angels use, ozone depleting; Heaven heating up.
The amount of bleaching Angel frocks has caused a huge hole in heaven's ozone layer causing an ecological disaster of heavenly proportions. It has been calculated that if they don't get everything under control, Heaven will have the same weather as Hell in less than 100 years. After an eternity of neglect, the Ozone layer which surrounds heaven is finally breaking down because of of the unholy amounts of bleach they use on their frocks. Measurements show that the increase in

Heaven now able to contract for your soul after admitting its first lawyer.
Before hell was the only place that admitted lawyers into the afterlife, hence the ironclad contract that they had for your soul. Well, heaven is now in the game and has work to do. Did you even wonder why the devil seemed to have an iron clad contract for your soul, produced in an instant, ready for you to sign your eternal afterlife away, but to get into heaven, you had to read through an indecipherable book, written by several unknown authors that has been translated into

BREAKING: God kills Satan. Religion is finally over. You can all go home.
God, distracted for a couple of millennia finally remembers to kill Satan. Now he is planning something new for everyone. For several millennia, there has been a raging war in the heavens, good vs evil, light vs dark, but in the end, God has finally struck the final blow and has killed Satan, and everything that people have been following religion for, is now over. "That's it, you can all go home." said God standing over a dead Lucifer. "He's dead. There's nothing more to see

BREAKING: Atheists have been de-converting the dead to become faithless.
Atheists are converting religious people to secularism after they've died and are buried in their own faith, preventing them from being with God and their loved ones, like Grandma. The My Right to Hate Religion Group (TMRTHRG) has released a statement late Wednesday night stating that, "We are so sure that there is no heaven, that we are preventing anyone from going there." They are de-converting religious people in droves to become faithless. All across the world, atheists h