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  • Writer's pictureSamuel Jacobs

Due to amount of bleach Angels use, ozone depleting; Heaven heating up.

The amount of bleaching Angel frocks has caused a huge hole in heaven's ozone layer causing an ecological disaster of heavenly proportions. It has been calculated that if they don't get everything under control, Heaven will have the same weather as Hell in less than 100 years.

After an eternity of neglect, the Ozone layer which surrounds heaven is finally breaking down because of of the unholy amounts of bleach they use on their frocks.

Measurements show that the increase in chlorine, resulting from chlorine-containing chemicals called chlorofluorocarbons (CFCs), has resulted in about 20 percent increase in ozone depletion during the Antarctic winter than there was in 2005 — the first year that measurements of chlorine and ozone during the Antarctic winter were made by NASA’s Aura satellite.

“We see very clearly that chlorine from CFCs is growing the ozone hole, and that more ozone depletion is occurring because of it,” said lead author Susan Strahan, an atmospheric scientist from NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center in Greenbelt, Maryland. "Someone is up there just going hogwild!"

The effects it's having on the environment is disastrous. Within a few years, the ozone will be depleted around heaven completely, that no one will be able to inhabit it, else they will burn up in the deadly radiation from being exposed to the sun.

The only solution is population control. Less people need to go to heaven, that brings down the amount of frocks they have to wash, thus the amount of bleach they use.

"This was a totally unforeseen circumstance, we thought everything in heaven was good. Apparently there is still some stuff to work out in the long term." said St. Peter.

Unless some sort of action is taken like, removing souls from heaven and switching to an ecologically friendly laundry detergent, the Ozone layer will be depleted and Heaven will simulate Hell in less 100 years.


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