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  • Writer's pictureSamuel Jacobs

Satan blown away by cheap price of Evangelical souls.

Special Correspondent to Religimarole u/bill10351

The Prince of Darkness told reporters today that he was absolutely blown away by how little it took to purchase the souls of millions of American Evangelicals.

“I just couldn’t believe it. I was ready to give them anything: worldly riches, every desire of the flesh, you name it,” the devil stated.

Satan told reporters he hadn’t even begun his pitch when the soul contracts started flooding in, asking for President Trump to be acquitted. “I practically had to do nothing, and, to be honest, I was going to do it anyway as part of my contract with Donald.”

When asked to comment on the historic sale, Jesus, the Son of God shrugged and said “I guess I can always try the Hindus or take another shot at the atheists. I don’t know, I’m just tired of nobody listening to me.”


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