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  • Writer's pictureSamuel Jacobs

Coronavirus Price Gouging: Church's thoughts & prayers costing $79 each.

Normally thoughts and prayers are free for those suffering from some sort of tragedy, but due to churches selling out of them at the regular price, they have upped the cost to $79

For some reason people are panicking about what they should buy during the coronavirus epidemic, and you have people stockpiling toilet paper and hand sanitizer incase the virus comes for them. Some outlets have these items increase by tenfold, where a single jar of hand sanitizer is selling for as much as $100.

Well, because of the communal aspect of the church, the leaders are telling people to stay home as to not infect other parishioners. But that doesn't mean that you have to go without your prayer. Some churches have set up prayer websites, where the pastor will send you thoughts and prayers for a mere $79.

"If you think about it, in the middle ages indulgences cost a lot more than that." said Father Harrison of the First Church of the Trinity Blessed. 'So $79 is a small price to pay for your salvation.

The churches have been telling people that they definitely don't want to see them in person, and that they already have your credit card information, all you have to do is give the go-ahead and they will process your thoughts and prayers.

When one Christian got sick with the coronavirus after she spent over $400 on thoughts and prayers, she wanted a refund from her pastor, saying that he sent over faulty prayer. to which he responded, "There was nothing wrong with the prayer, she is obviously not right with Jesus." Unfortunately that Christian died a horrible, horrible Coronadeath.


Is the end times approaching with a virus that will wipe out the earth? Probably not "I know I'm supposed to say that I would rather be in heaven with Jesus, but I just put a downpayment on the Versace house in South Beach." said Father Harrison, "So it looks like we will just suffer through this."


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