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  • Writer's pictureSamuel Jacobs

Virus-infected homeless guy mistaken for the second coming of Christ.

Updated: Mar 25, 2020

With the coronavirus mutating and the world becoming a barren wasteland, Christians are still hopeful that the second coming of Christ is upon us. So they looked to Florida.

FLORIDA. Amidst the quarantine, several faithful have found salvation in Jesus Christ. Well, according to locals, it's just a guy named Nathan, who looks like Jesus Christ, and is actually a homeless guy who lives under the overpass. He succumbed to COVID-19 three weeks ago, and he has just started moving again. Christians have been flocking to the the overpass to get a glimpse of their savior.

Nathan Christ has bitten and infected at least 3550 people in Florida, causing the quickest spread of the virus in history. Over 1200 people have died, and the medical infrastructure is unprepared for this outbreak and haven't been able to treat even a fraction of the people infected.

"They don't seem to care that they are getting bitten by a guy who looks like Advertising Jesus." said Monica Creed, Chief of Infectious Diseases at Spiro Agnew Memorial Hospital. "They want to touch him, and lick him. Don't do that."

Floridians aren't known to be the most sensible people on the planet. "They constantly do things that are against their best interest, and it is assumed that at least 80% of all Floridians have some sort of Mental disease. So this isn't surprising in the least." said Creed.


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