• Samuel Jacobs

Catholic Churches in poorer areas getting leftover, bad cuts of Jesus.

Updated: Mar 3

Churches in the poorer areas of Italy have discovered that they are getting the less desirable cuts of Jesus when they take communion.

Africo, IT (population 3,200) is possibly the poorest town in Italy. Its unemployment rate is 40% and the gross average wage of the few who have a job is €14,000 a year. Virtually no one under the age of 30 works in Africo and one-third of the inhabitants are older than 55. It's no wonder that its Catholic Churches get the less desirable cuts of Jesus.


It's been revealed that in the parishes in Africo, they only get the organ meat, like liver, spleen and pancreas. As well as tough to eat parts of Jesus like the feet and taint.

"The taint is really hard to get down, it's all leathery and chewy." said Joseph Palermo, church goer. "But We consider ourselves lucky we get any Jesus at all."

Father Crandello of the First Church of Mary FuckKill, is disappointed at the way the Vatican treats the lesser successful parishes. "I can understand not getting breast meat, but you would think they would throw us some leg meat or even the buttocks every once in a while."


In the tiny community of Africo, the phrase 'Eat Ass' has a different, more angelic meaning.

If Jesus were alive today, he certainly would be helping out the poor, while the rich would have to give up their indulgences to get a good cut of him.

But unfortunately Jesus isn't around and doesn't have a say on how he gets dished out.


The Pope could not be reached for comment.


#satire #religimarole #indulgences #taint #Jesus #Communion #Catholic #Pope


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