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  • Writer's pictureSamuel Jacobs

BREAKING: Imaginary friend sues atheists for comparing them to biblical monster.

It turns out that imaginary friends all over the globe are suing atheists because they keep comparing them to the genocidal, misogynistic, fictional character of the god of the bible.

Woman pointing to Imaginary Friend and them pointing back.

It's hard enough to make your way in this world when your entire target market is children before the age of 7, but that's how Imaginary Friends eke out their existence. They cater to the wonder and imagination of children and become a way for the children to develop friendship when they are having trouble. So imagine the surprise when in recent years, atheists began to insult Imaginary Friends by comparing them to God.

"There is nothing redeemable about the God of the bible. He caused the downfall of mankind, wiped the population of Earth out. Demands eternal servitude. That is directly opposite of what we do as Imaginary Friends." said Bix, an imaginary friend that helps teach confidence. "To compare us to him is certainly slander."

Every year millions of kids find imaginary friends to help with emotional needs. When atheists are comparing them to the absolute monster that is God, the kids are shutting down and turning to video games. Sonic and Master Chief are where they find solace now.

Kids wanting imaginary friends have dropped 22% last quarter because the internet is riddled with atheists comparing the two. "There is a direct correlation." Bix added. "I haven't been able to find work."

The amount being sued for is undisclosed, but when you upset an industry this large, based on lies, you can bet the amount will be huge.


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