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  • Writer's pictureSamuel Jacobs

BREAKING: Angered Zeus, shows his wrath on Christ the Redeemer.

Updated: Jun 22, 2020

Zeus has been angered because Christians are making a mockery of his creation. Threatens apocalypse.

Christ being punished by Zeus.

Mt. Olympus. Zeus was in full-form today as he took out his anger on his creation's worshipping of a false god, by hurtling a lightning bolt at the Christ the Redeemer statute in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil.

"The fact that you have forsaken me, I shall destroy all monuments to your false god?" said Zeus in a Mt. Olympus press release.

It wasn't until after the release went out that he in fact realized just how many statues of Jesus there were. "For fuck's sake, they're everywhere." said Zeus. "I'd be smiting like a billion people. They wear those things around their necks. Apparently, I'm the reason churches have lightning rods on them."

Zeus has been known to be a less than patient God, reaping his godly wrath unto false idols. Before Christ the Redeemer, his most famous Jesus strike was the Touchdown Jesus from Monroe, Ohio that was struck in 2010 and burned to the ground.

In 2019, Zeus also took credit for the burning of the Notre Dame Cathedral, even though experts say that they haven't determined the cause of the fire, and Zeus is just looking to take credit for something he hasn't done.

"No one remembers him, or they think he was a myth." said Cardinal James Cardinal, "He was a shit god, and he deserved what he got. He thinks that if he ejaculates out a lightning bolt once every 10 years, we're supposed to worship him?"

No one has heard from Zeus since the incident. We aren't sure if he is just trying to remain relevant or if he is indeed planning a resurgence to take over the mortal world once again.


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