• Samuel Jacobs

American Christian Hospital’s bill for prayer reaches $247,000.

Updated: Feb 5

If you are looking for salvation, you better have some good insurance, because salvation doesn't come cheap.

Houston, TX. One of the things that they don't tell you about religion is that access to God isn't free. To belong to a church you have to pay a tithe, the Catholic Church has indulgences so you don't have to endure hell, and in Houston Texas, you have to pay a preacher ever times he prays over you in St. Jane Francis Hospital.


For those who have deep spiritual needs, this can turn into quite the pretty penny. Some hospitals have administered bills that reach in the tens of thousands of dollars range, but for Marjorie Gertrude Sinclair of Houston, her daily prayer and access to Benny Hinn has left a hefty price tag of almost $250,000. One of which Ms. Sinclair refuses to pay.

"He would quickly pass by my room and would shout 'Dominus'' as he waved some sort of scepter. I don't even know what that means." said Ms. Sinclair. "I'm Southern Baptist."

When she got her bill, she demanded an itemized breakdown and here is what she got:

TOTAL: $247,000


Ms. Sinclair tried to dispute the charges as being Baptist, she didn't take confession, communion or deal in holy water. The biggest dispute is the administering of Last Rites, even though she didn't die.


The hospital liaison is quoted saying that she should have gotten Salvation Insurance, a well known Houston insurance with high premiums that pays out if you aren't saved.


When asked Jeremiah Bosworth, the hospital pastor, how can he justify these prices, and that hospitals outside the US didn't charge anything, he got quite defensive, "We are just keeping in line with the prices that the hospitals charge for their services. She needed 24/7 salvation, what did you expect?" He continued, "Those people in countries where they don't charge anything don't have the same access to God that we do. Do you want a discount God? Do you? I didn't think so. We don't deal in second-hand Gods. We are first hand all the way."


Even with Insurance, the policy doesn't pay out unless the client dies and actually meets God. Larry Jankovich, CEO of Salvation Insurance had this to say, "You need proof that you are in God's good graces. How do we know that you're going to go to heaven after all of this? We don't. So unless you send us photos or evidence of the afterlife, we can deny claims."


So Ms Sinclair is stuck with a large Spiritual bill that no one can do anything about. She will have to sell everything to pay off her tab. With that Pastor Bosworth said, "Look at it this way, now she is like Jesus." then got into his new Mercedes and drove off to a second hospital.


#satire #parody #religimarole #hospitalbill #prayerinsurance #Catholic #Jesus

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