• Samuel Jacobs

1400 year-old Altar boy found with Pope Vigilius' penis still inside of him.

Updated: Mar 25

Already a Pope of great controversy, It wasn't proven that Vigilius was indeed a pedophile until the archeological team from Rome University dug up the remains of the altar boy.

An archeological find in Syracuse, Italy yesterday uncovered a 1400 year-old altar boy still left with a Pope Vigilius' engorged penis inside of him. Pope Vigilius (died 7 June 555) was Pope from 29 March 537 to his death in 555. He is considered the first pope of the Byzantine Papacy.


.When Vigilius died in Syracuse, the circumstances of his death were quite mysterious. They rushed him from his death bed back to Rome where he was to be properly buried. What archeologists think happened was that Vigilius was taking advantage of an unknown altar boy, and in the throes of raping the boy, he ended up killing him and then he had a heart attack.

"This is an incredible archeological find." Said Zubin Granier, chief archeologist, "You never hear something like this happening. Two specimen found together, I mean. Not the raping."

Sadly, the name of the alter boy is unknown and lost to modernity, but according to Papal records, Vigilius did employ one twelve year-old altar boy named Flavius for over a year who suddenly went missing.


Amongst the items found with the altar boy were a 1400 year old copy of Boy's Life and an aspergillum.


#satire #religimarole #Pope #archeology #Vigilius #atheism #atheist


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