• Samuel Jacobs

The 72 virgins strike after centuries of servicing Muslim men in heaven.

The 72 virgins promised to Muslim males in the afterlife have gone on strike for better working conditions and more time off.

72 Virgins Strike in Jannah for unfair working conditions.

JANNAH. According to the Islamic beliefs, After a Muslim male reaches Jannah (Heaven), he will receive 72 virgins. Well, those 72 virgins have been servicing Muslims for centuries and are now striking, demanding better working conditions.

"Sure, we were virgins when Mohammed came to heaven. We had a grand ol' time." said Jasmine, one of the original 72. "But since then we've just been passed around like a joint at a frat party."

For 1300 years the same 72 women have been the 'reward' for following the Qu'ran to the letter. Many Muslim men have been disappointed when they reached Jannah and to find their prize for being so pious is not what they thought.

Muslim questioning his beliefs when he found out that the 72 virgins look more like Bea Arthur than Blake Lively.

"I mean they are lovely women." said Abdullah Anarearug, "But when you are expecting a brand new sports car, and someone shoves a 1300 year-old Chevette in your face, you're a little miffed at the milage."


FORMING A UNION

The Virgins have joined Teamsters Union and they have a list of demands that they want met before they resume work, including a well stocked refreshment table, fresh linens and, of course, hourly breaks. Management is holding out on their demands until a collective bargaining agreement can be put into place.


"They've really put us into a tough position, if it were any other Union, we'd have them back to work servicing men, "said Jagdish Ruparella, Head of HR in Jannah. "but because it's the Teamsters, we really need to plan."


Muslim Heaven has been closed temporarily until the collective bargaining agreement has been reached.


#satire #religimarole #atheist #atheism #72virgins


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