• Samuel Jacobs

Riot breaks out in Catholic Church when revealed that the Christ statue is from a Lutheran Church.

The congregation started throwing bibles at the statue during Christmas Mass.

The Church of the Trinity Blessed, a Catholic Church in Houston Texas was under siege today when the Priest, Father Browning accidentally revealed that the statue of Christ that is hanging above the pulpit is actually a Lutheran Jesus. The attendees for Christmas mass cried fowl that the Jesus that hung in their church wasn't 'their Jesus' and he should be taken down for being a false prophet.

"It is obvious when you look at him. He is in no way the savior I signed up for." said James Carnagie, a church goer, "I can't believe the Catholic church would deceive us like that. They have been a beacon of purity for centuries."

Not all Jesus' are the same.

When Father Browning bought the Jesus from a closing Lutheran church, he didn't think that it would have caused quite a stir. 'I mean, Jesus is Jesus, am I right?" he said. "It is only a statue." Father Browning was then attacked and beaten within an inch of his life. Well apparently according to the congregation, it isn't. According to one member, "It's like you're trying to trick us into following a different God, even though he's the same God. He is different from THE Jesus. He is another Jesus" The member refused their name.


The crowd attacked the statue and pulled it off the wall and broke it to pieces stating that there was no way that this was the real savior, and that it deserved to be destroyed. At which point the statue began to weep human tears. For a brief second the chaos stopped and one of the rioters shouted, "It's a miracle!" After which he was immediately attacked. "There are only Catholic Miracles, not some bastardized heathen Lutheran miracles." shouted the rioting crowd.

The Church holy police were called, and they showed up reading everyone their Miranda rights and saying Hail Marys. There were several arrests where they made everyone say penance and sit through a second sermon which lasted several hours, where they were reminded that there are secular laws against this sort of torture. The head of the police just shouted, "You're in God's house now, Maggot." and beat him with a cross shaped baton.


Not the first time.

Similar things happened in 2018 when the congregation of Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris found out that the friezes were made by a stone mason who wasn't Catholic and they burnt it to the ground.

#satire #religion #religimarole #catholic #lutheran #jesus #notredame




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