top of page
  • Writer's pictureSamuel Jacobs

Psychics wanted for crimes against humanity for failing to warn about COVID 19.

Updated: Jun 22, 2020

If you've ever read a fortune, looked into a crystal ball or analyzed tea leaves you are now on the FBI's most wanted list for crimes against humanity.

Washington, DC. The FBI have declared all psychics to be criminals and accomplices to the mass genocide that is sweeping the nation and the world.

"These people have important information. It is a moral imperative to speak up." said Divisional Director Susan Harrison, FBI psychic department. "Failure to do so is a crime against humanity."

The FBI have created a task force called the Psychic Interment Seizure and Subjugation On Favored Frontiers. (PISSOFF) Made up of the country's greatest military minds and bodies. They are rounding up anyone who claims that they have any psychic powers whatsoever.

The leader of these psychic criminals is none other than psychic celebrity and Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz boy toy John Edward. He has skyrocketed to the head of the psychic guild and now calls the shots on what information is disseminated to the governments and public. Considering the power that he holds, he will be shot and killed on first sight.

John Edward unsuccessfully trying to make a finger church.

"Until these criminals are rounded up and dealt with, people will think that it's okay just to claim to know the future and take money from credulous people who want their fortune read." continued Director Harrison. "There were given a gift and they chose to squander it. Now there is a price to pay."

Considering the criminal psychics consciously chose not to reveal to the public about the virus, but must have known the judgement against them was coming, they have conveniently gone off the grid and have made their whereabouts unknown. If you happen to see a psychic in the wild, you are required to call Psychicstoppers at 1(800) PISSOFF


bottom of page