• Samuel Jacobs

Parker Bros. updates Monopoly game to reflect Christian privilege.

Updated: Jun 22

In an attempt to be inclusive to often-neglected American Christians, Parker Brothers has updated its most famed board game Monopoly to include churches, and Christian privilege.

The game Monopoly was a cherished game for many growing up, but it did represent America at a simpler time. Parker Brothers CEO Franklin St. Claire seems to think that the game lacks the Christian slant that America has evolved into today, and has updated for today's American Christian gamer.

"So may things are different now," said St. Claire. "Like Christian political lobbying and preventing legal abortions. The game play should reflect that. You know, for the kids."

Some of the new rules that St. Claire has implemented are as follows.

New American Christian specific player tokens are added which are a bible, a crucifix and an AR15. In addition to houses and hotels, church buildings are included. You have have to have at least one church building per completed neighborhood, whether you want to or not, at the initial price of $5000 per church. If a player lands on a neighborhood that has a church, they have to pay a 10% tithe and the church property owner pulls a church card.


Here are some of the new Monopoly Church cards.

  • Caught molesting boys, go directly to different church.

  • Church runs at tremendous profit. Do not pay tax.

  • Buy off a politician, go directly to Boardwalk.

  • Prevent women from getting abortion. All women lose one turn.

  • Someone says happy holidays. War on Christmas, double tithe.

  • Atheism growing in popularity. Lose one church.

  • Keep this card. If Jesus returns. You win the game.

  • Sell Prosperity Gospel on TV get $1,000.

  • Pay off porn star. Lose $130,000.

  • Your congregation has given you a private jet. Go to any space.

  • Caught embezzling, claim you are reborn. Advance 6 spaces.

  • Christian holds public office. Cite the first amendment. Free turn.

  • Blame natural disaster on LGBTQ. Go back 2 spaces.

The first installment will be available early next year. St. Claire has other ideas that reflects American society today including Black Monopoly, where the 'Go Directly To Jail' cards are replaced with 'Gunned Down in a Standard Police Stop' card, as well as there are only 1/3 of the properties are available to purchase and only if there is a white player that agrees to it.


#satire #religimarole #atheist #atheism #monopoly #America #Christian





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