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  • Writer's pictureSamuel Jacobs

Now that Prince has died, Muslims unable to find 72 virgins in heaven.

Updated: Apr 28, 2021

It used to be so easy for newly deceased Muslims to reap their heavenly reward when they got to Janna, because there would be 72 virgins waiting for them for an eternity of intercourse.

Prince knows who he's going to fuck. Creator: Richard E. Aaron | Credit: Redferns

It was no secret that Prince was indeed a mighty lover. Now his legacy is continuing from beyond the grave. All of the 72 virgins that were promised to Muslim men in the afterlife are now unavailable because they could not resist Prince.

The Sunni hadith scholar Tirmidhi quotes the prophet Muhammad as having said:

The smallest reward for the people of Heaven is an abode where there are eighty thousand servants and seventy-two houri, over which stands a dome decorated with pearls, aquamarine, and ruby, as wide as the distance from al-Jabiyyah to San'a.

"Well, they are going to have to find something else." Muslim scholar Schmule Rosenblatt professed, "There are no virgins left. Maybe they can get something else, like a fuel efficient car, or a nice piece of chicken?"

Muslim males are furious at the notion that they have followed the Quran all this time to get their reward in heaven, even though it would probably be easier to just have sex with 72 virgins on Earth.


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