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  • Writer's pictureSamuel Jacobs

Jesus found in melting ice cap because of Climate Change. Christians Torn.

Climate deniers have changed their tune when an iceberg melting from the North Pole revealed a frozen Jesus Christ.

Arctic Circle, CA. Oil riggers in the Arctic Circle discovered Jesus Christ in a melting iceberg. He is currently encased in several inches of ice and haven't decided how they are going to thaw him out.

Christians speculate how he got there. "When he was ascending to heaven, he must have got caught in a crosswind and crashed into the arctic ice. He's been frozen ever since."

The Christian community has been torn, here they have been worshiping this guy as if he were the son of God, but it seems now that he didn't break the atmosphere. If it weren't for climate change, and the melting polar ice caps, then they never would have found him.

Some Christians take it as a sign that this is the second coming of Christ. Others say that since he never actually left the atmosphere, it doesn't really count. This brings up the argument of whether climate change is real and another schism in the church. If it is the rapture, then Climate change is real because the planet is going to be destroyed. If he never ascended to heaven, then they need to thaw him out and wait until he ascends. If that is the case, then Climate change is a hoax.

Scientists weigh in saying that Climate Change is not a hoax, and that the Jesus in the ice berg is just a statue, and to grow the fuck up.


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