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  • Writer's pictureSamuel Jacobs

Jesus ends his personal relationship with Christians.

Updated: Jul 10, 2020

Jesus has decided to sever ties with Christians because they aren't the same people he first started a relationship with.

It's not me. It's all you.

After a long and grueling Saturday night with weeping and arguing, Jesus ended his personal relationship with Christians. Some of the reasons he stated was, they are using his relationship with him to discriminate against others, enrich themselves, and act vainglorious.

At first Jesus accepted their faults, because their relationship was relatively new. He said in a recent press release, "I thought you would change." even though there are weekly Sunday Morning therapy sessions for Christians, their relationship became about something else.

"It's like you don't even know me..." said Jesus. "I know it's going to be difficult, but you have to move on."

Jesus has since moved out and is staying at a Motel 6 until he can find time to collect his stuff, and there is a lot of stuff: Paintings, music, artwork, buildings, etc. He stated that he doesn't know where to put all of it. Hopefully he won't have to throw it out, some of it is pretty decent. "The paintings seem to capture my good side, whereas the statues, not so much."

"I'm going to be single for a while, rediscovering me." said the King of Kings.


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