• Samuel Jacobs

Galilee Police break up house party. Underage Jesus caught providing wine.

16 CE, Nazareth, Galilee. A social deviant by the name of Jesus was arrested for orchestrating a series of underage house parties all stocked with wine.

The police arrested a teenager name Jesus, son of Joseph, the Carpenter, for creating an illegal rave scene in Galilee that caters to underage drinking.


A chase ensued and ended with several Police Chariots ending up in sea. Somehow the suspect managed to run across the sea, and since is was dark, the chariots fell right in. It ended with Jesus giving himself up. "He took forever to walk to jail. He just dragged his feet, like he was carrying a heavy weight on his shoulders."

"We don't know how he gets the wine," the police confessed, "None of the merchants have sold it to him."

The police confiscated several barrels of wine. At each rave, there was more than the last. When questioning Jesus, he clammed up and didn't say anything. They keep arresting him, but they have no proof that he actually brought the wine, so they have to let him go. At which point he laughs and shouts, "Next time suckers."


The chief of police sat Jesus down and gave him a lecture saying that if he didn't grow up and change his way, he wouldn't amount to anything in this world, and that he would just dry up and blow away and that no one would remember him. To which he just shrugged his shoulders.

"I hate to see when a child turns bad and they can't turn it around in adulthood." Said the Chief.


#satire #parody #religimarole #Jesus #wine #party #galilee #police

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