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  • Writer's pictureSamuel Jacobs

Egyptian Horus sues Galilean Jesus for intellectual property theft.

In a Criminal Copyright Infringement lawsuit, Horus, the Egyptian God is suing Jesus and Christianity for willful intellectual property theft.

Galilee, Israel. Representatives for the God Horus are suing Jesus for stealing his origin story and pretending to pass it off as his own.

Jesus denies knowing anything about it and says that the lawsuit is frivolous and egregious. When asked if he have any contemporary witnesses to back up his claim, he remarked,

"We don't need witnesses at this trial. I've done nothing wrong. It's a sham. The Do-nothing Egyptians are trying to get me removed from Godhood.

The trial is expected to have a vote in several days, but it currently looks like Jesus has the votes to exonerate him. 'I have the numbers. I've done nothing wrong.' Jesus reminded us that he is the son of God and that he can do what he wants under Article 2. "Even if I did do it, which I didn't, it's not a crime." he continued, "I can kill a man in the middle of the road to Damascus and nothing will happen to me."

Jesus' origin story contains several eerily similar situations and talking points that are too close to Horus' to ignore. Horus was:

  • Was conceived by a virgin mother named Meri, and had a stepfather named Seb (Joseph)

  • Was born in a cave, his birth announced by an angel, heralded by a star and attended by shepherds

  • Attended a special rite of passage at the age of twelve and there is no data on the child from the age of 12 to 30

  • Was baptized in a river at the age of 30, and his baptizer was later beheaded

  • Had 12 disciples

  • Performed miracles, exorcized demons, raised someone from the dead, walked on water

  • Was called “Iusa”, the “ever-becoming son” and the “Holy Child”

  • Delivered a “Sermon on the Mount”, and his followers recounted his sayings

  • Was transfigured on the MountWas crucified between two thieves, buried for three days in a tomb, and was resurrected

  • Called “Way”, “the Truth the Light”, “Messiah”, “God’s Anointed Son”, “Son of Man”, “Good Shepherd”, “Lamb of God”, “Word made flesh”, “Word of Truth”, “the KRST” or “Anointed One”Was “the Fisher” and was associated with the Fish, Lamb and Lion.

  • Came to fulfill the Law, and was supposed to reign one thousand years

Representatives of Horus want to make an example of Jesus. Fewer people are believing in him and this is because Jesus ended up with a better platform to convince his followers, kind of like Beta and VHS.


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