• Samuel Jacobs

Christian Band Stryper Confesses: "We owe everything to the devil."

Updated: Mar 13

The Christian Rock Band 'Stryper' admits that they are nothing without the influence of the devil to make sick riffs.

Birmingham, AL. The Christian Rock Group 'Stryper' has graced the top of the Christian rock charts for nearly four decades. They manage to get that crazy, bitchin' hard rock sound, while delivering messages of purity and Jesus. Some of their number one hits like, "Morning Wood Erection" and "I have a hole in my hands, but not my heart." have caused fans to frenzy at their concerts and illegally download their music.


But after creative differences, they split up for a time, each to remember why they created the band in the first place: Servitude of Jesus. But during that dark time, the lead singer, Nigel Turnbottom revealed that their influence for their power chords and rock and roll riffs were influenced by the devil himself.

"You can't rock and roll without the devil, even if the song is about Jesus. It's impossible." said Turnbottom, "We decided to completely give ourselves over to Satan so you can listen to some sweet tracks."

Basically it's impossible for a Christian Rock band to get any sort of success and remain relevant if they haven't sold their soul to the devil.


Currently all the band members have joined the Church of Satan, where they found that it's not what they think. "The people here are nice and want to help people. We're going back to being assholes, like Christianity demands of us."


#satire #religimarole #christianrock #atheism #atheist #stryper



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