• Samuel Jacobs

BREAKING: Hitler distances himself from Catholic Church for fear of hurting his reputation.

Earlier this week the Catholic church was accused of hiding $2B dollars so it wouldn't have to pay out reparations to abuse victims. Hitler, embarrassed at the church, has severed ties.

Vatican, Vatican City. Earlier this week the Catholic church was accused of hiding $2B dollars so it wouldn't have to pay out reparations to abuse victims of any of their scandals. Adolf Hitler, one of their biggest supporters has distanced himself from the Catholic Church for fear it is going to hurt his reputation.

"I mean, it's one thing to kill Jews and destroy most of Europe, but it's another to hide pedophile priests, then when they are caught and charged, to not pay reparations." said Hitler.

When asked, Pope Francis said that he was disappointed in Hitler, they had a good thing going, he did the killing and destroying, and they funded his conquest. They were like a Hitler Super Pac. With the child molesting, raping and hiding of the money thing, he had no Comment.


The Catholic Church didn't have anyone else who they were going to throw their support behind, because name recognition is everything. "Who else do you go? Pol Pot? What the fuck is a Pol Pot?" said a representative for the Church.


Pope Francis couldn't be found for comment, so it's assumed that he was in the basement of the Vatican rolling in the hidden $2B like Scrooge McDuck.


#satire #parody #religimarole #Pope #vatican #Hitler

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