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  • Writer's pictureSamuel Jacobs

BREAKING: Bigfoot laughs at Jesus myth to proselytizing missionaries.

Bigfoot has been spotted in the North West Territories by missionaries and instantly they tried to teach him the world of Jesus Christ.

NWT, Canada. A group of missionaries were witnessing their way through the North West Territories when they discovered evidence that that Bigfoot exists.

Jonathan Randall Weiss, a southern Baptist was with several members of the First Church of the Trinity Blessed when they came across a Sasquatch or Bigfoot in the woods. They praised God.

"Not only did we find the fabled creature from folklore, proving its existence," said Weiss, "but we also found someone who hasn't heard the gospel of Christ."


By reading the bible to him, they finally were able to communicate and have him understand simple sentences, and as they affectionately call him, Goodman. (God's man) they were able to teach him rudimentary English.

When Goodman finally was able to grasp what the missionaries were trying to teach him about the word of Jesus Christ, he said the first word that any human has ever heard a Sasquatch utter: "How can believe that shit?" said Goodman, "Jesus is not real. Myth." Goodman then laughed the hardest he had ever laughed, and he's seen albatrosses trying to land on ice.

The missionaries tried their hardest to convince Goodman that Jesus was real. And Goodman sat dumbfounded as if he was going to give in to their proselytizing, until he responded with, "What of law of non-contradiction?" he continued, "How deal with problem of evil? No, silly God not exist."

An angry Weiss confronted Bigfoot by saying until now, everyone thought he was a myth and didn't exist, and here he is, to which Goodman replied, "So where your God? No one going out in global pandemic to worship Bigfoot. Stupid."

The missionaries of the First Church of The Trinity Blessed, with their faces all scrunched, then left Bigfoot as he went around to the forest creatures telling them of the silliness that the homo sapiens believe. He is happy he doesn't live amongst them.


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