• Samuel Jacobs

Rev. Ted Haggard calls for human extinction: Straight people birth gays.

Updated: Mar 29

In an attempt to become relevant again, Reverend Ted Haggard calls for the extinction of the entire human race because any one of us can give birth to a gay.

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO. To extend his anti-LGBT stance, Reverend Ted Haggard of the New Life Church now calls for the Extinction of all humans on the planet in a mass genocide like the God of the Bible did.

"Straight people beget gay people, and it says so right there in the bible that it's an abomination." says Reverend Haggard.

The passage he is referring to, is of course in Leviticus 23:13 - “If a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads." NIV. When asked if there were any exceptions, he said there were none. "The entire population must be destroyed like they did with the biblical flood."


Reverend Haggard was reminded that humans aren't the only species that exhibited gay behavior, and they were allowed on the Ark with Noah, to which he said to slaughter them as well and it is the only way to rid this planet of gay sin.


How he's going to kill everyone.

"I'm going to poison the water supply." said Haggard, "We are planning a trip to the ocean, and one vial of my special homeopathic poison will taint all the water in the world."

Of course he was reminded that over 1800 studies have debunked Homeopathy of all types, to which he responded by barking at me and wouldn't stop barking until I left.


Also Newsworthy

In 2010, Reverend Ted Haggard was caught having sex with a male prostitute while doing meth in a truck stop bathroom and when he was confronted with it at the time, he remarked that "He needed to know the delicious, decadent sin to judge the sinner. This one just happened to be a two-fer."


#satire #parody #religimarole #tedhaggard #lgbtq #homeopathy

TOP POSTS
bannerVitls.jpg
Subscribe to Site

Help the cause. 

Photos by Freepik.com / Pexels.com / Pixabay.com / Freeimages.com  

Terms of Use Privacy Policy

Copyright 2020, All Rights Reserved. The Pray is a parody blog and is not recommended for people under the age 18. 17 U.S.C. § 107

Do you have an idea for a story? Email me at religimarole@gmail.com

Proud Member of Atheism United