• Samuel Jacobs

Yahweh makes up with siblings: recants the first commandment.

Updated: Jan 18

After a few millennia, God finally makes up with his many brother and sister Gods and recants the first commandment "Thou Shalt have no other Gods before me."


Family grudges can last forever, and no one knows this more than the God of the bible. After being mad at his entire family of celestial beings, Yahweh finally decides to make a New Year's resolution and makes up with them and has recanted the first commandment.

"I don't even remember what I was mad at. I think Vishnu wore my frock without permission." said God. "We got into a huge argument and the next thing I knew, I set it in stone."

When asked about how the worshippers will feel about it, God had this to say, "You already believed in one god, what's a few thousand more? It should get rid of that pesky bickering you humans do." That constant bickering of course refers to the millennia of holy wars that have ravaged the Earth. With all gods created equal now, there should be no fighting on who is better.


This is obviously a big deal to heaven's printing and art department, considering there are billions of bibles, monuments and dedications to the ten commandments. It'll be a huge recall. they''ll have to destroy everything. Gordon Friend, the head of distribution had this to say, "Yes, it's an undertaking, consider your bible now invalid. Expect a new version soon."


When asked what we can expect in the new version, Janine Hastings, the senior art director in Heaven had this to say, "It's uneven now. We can't have five and four. Aesthetically it's crap. We may have to three stones of three."


#satire #parody #god #yahweh #religimarole #god


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