• Samuel Jacobs

Joseph demands paternity test when three men show up at the birth of his son bearing gifts.

Mary continuously denies any contact with the strange wizened men who showed up bearing expensive gifts and that the baby doesn't look like either the mother or father.


Joseph, a carpenter, has cried bloody murder when three men, all rich and bearing gifts showed up and wanted to see the baby that Mary had given birth to. When asked to comment, Mary just kept saying that she was a virgin and that she didn't know any of the men. Each of the men, bearing a gift more expensive than the last, mentioned that they followed a star that got them there and that they baby was going to become God.


Joseph accused Mary that he she cheated on him because he didn't make enough money as a carpenter and that he had six kids from another marriage, who he had to pay a good chunk of child support to.

"I know you've been fucking around!" said Joseph, "Am I blonde haired and blued-eyed? Look at this kid, he could model."

At which point the dark-skinned man, Magi Wiseman, screamed with glee, "It's not me! I'm out bitches." Taking his myrrh and leaving the other two to figure out the child's paternity. It is also possible that the child's actual father hadn't shown up at the birth.


Mary, who claimed being a virgin seemed to know a lot of men. Joseph, who stuck a ring onto Mary still hasn't decided what he is going to do with the baby that is obviously not his.

Joseph with the child born from sin and infidelity, Jesus.

"Knowing his mother, he is going to grow up and fuck over a lot of people." said Joseph in anger. At which point the men said that he shouldn't take it out on the baby. "There is a commandment against this, having sex with another man's wife, I don't care who you are! The person who did will soon feel the wrath of God." yelled Joseph in rage.


#christmas #jesus #satire #humor #parody #religimarole #wisemen

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