• Samuel Jacobs

Jesus' mother Mary speaks out: "My relationship with God was abusive."

In a tell-all book by Mary, the mother of Jesus, she reveals just how abusive and dismissive God was in their relationship.

Mary, the virgin mother of Jesus confessed yesterday to the Religimarole staff that her relationship with God was an alcoholic-induced, physically abusive and controlling.

"It all started when he knocked me up without my permission." said Mary in her exclusive to Religimarole. "I'm not going to say it was rape, because he is God and all, but it was rape."

Mary goes on to tell how God abandoned her after he knocked her up and didn't leave her with any support. How it wasn't until Jesus was in his 30's that God even took an interest in his son.


GOD THE NARCISSIST God, being the narcissist that he is, just assumed that it would be a honour for Mary to be impregnated with his seed, and then he drops out. "Who wouldn't want to birth the son of me? You're fucking right it's an honour." said Yahweh.


Joseph being the law-abiding man that he is, decided to divorce Mary in keeping with Mosaic Law when he found her pregnant by another. However, his righteousness was tempered by mercy and he thus kept the affair private until Mary's tell-all.


#satire #religimarole #mary #jesus #yahweh #atheism



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