• Samuel Jacobs

Evangelical Preacher breaks his leg at faith-healing event. Rushed to second faith-healing event.

Updated: Dec 23, 2019

Quick-thinking bible parishioners scooped up Reverend Desmond Kroanhauer after he fell off the stage and broke his leg at a 4500 person faith-healing revival and hurried him to the nearest faith-healing event almost 100 miles away.

Parishioners of the Church of the Trinity Blessed did the only thing Christian-minded Jesus junkies could do when one of their own is wounded: bring them to a faith-healing event. But what if it's the faith-healing Preacher that is the wounded one? The answer is simple. Bring him to the next closest faith-healing event, which was, in this case, in Ankeny, Iowa.

“Reverend Kroanhauer's face turned white, and he started talking gibberish. We all just assumed he was speaking in tongues. ”

"We packed him into a pickup and hauled ass." said Samson Freemont, 64, one of the congregation. "It's a good thing my truck is American, no telling what obstacles would be thrown our way if we were driving a foreign car."

Rushed Onto Stage When Reverend Kroanhauer reached the second faith-healing event, he was rushed on stage, where Reverend Randy 'the dish' Dishmonn performed miracles. Just not on Reverend Kroanhauer. He still couldn't walk. Parishioners of Reverend Kroanhauer took a defensive stand saying that Reverend Dishmonn obviously didn't have a conduit to God as Reverend Kroanhauer. To which Parishioners of Reverend Dishmonn responded that Reverend Kroanhauer obviously didn't believe in God as much as Reverend Dishmonn, otherwise he would be healed.

After Reverend Kroanhauer passed out, Reverend Dishmonn took a victory dance around the room. His Parishioners taunted Reverend Kroanhauer's Parishioners saying that they have to bring him to a hospital now, like one of those heathens.

They could not revive Reverend Kroanhauer even though they were at a revival. After the service, they called an ambulance and Reverend Kroanhauer was pronounced dead. The EMT's report says he died of pulmonary embolus which could have easily been avoided if they brought him to the hospital when it happened. "He's with God now." stated Reverend Dishmonn. "It's a miracle."

#satire #religimarole #faith #atheist

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