• Samuel Jacobs

Cincinnati Bengals lost because they didn't pray hard enough, says God.

There is a reason that the Cincinnati Bengals didn't win the Superbowl, God says they just didn't pray hard enough.

Creator: Rob Carr | Credit: Getty Images Copyright: 2022 Getty Images

As with all previous years before, usually the winner of the Super Bowl® is the team that is the most faithful and religious. But for some reason, the Cincinnati Bengals, who used to be the most pious, fell short of God's good graces this year.

"Normally we pray 10-15 times a day. we haven't been in a Superbowl since '89?" said Joe Burrow in an interview yesterday. "We need this!"

But speculations arise that the injury of C.J. Uzomah may have been their downfall. Uzomah is quite religious and they could have used his full, uninjured power and expertise with the Lord. Now the LA Rams get that extra stopping power that the Bengals once had and frankly squandered. Even though Uzomah was injured, it only strengthened his faith in God above. Too bad he couldn't take that to the field.

"Sure I was wounded, but I prayed hard for them. Really hard. Sometimes too hard." said Uzomah.
C.J. Uzomah showing his relationship with God by groping the air.

Some people think the Bengals have grown arrogant and relied on their second-half comebacks and their own ability to win games instead of utilizing the assistance from God. They have grown lax and have forgotten that they are just a conduit of the almighty and not in any way talented.


The Patriots said are going to regroup, and hopefully their draft picks this year will make up for their hole in their Holy Defense. "There is always next year. Hopefully we don't get any atheists in our draft picks." said Burrow.


#satire #parody #religimarole #Bengals #Burrow #Whodey #larams #superbowl

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