• Samuel Jacobs

Christianity must be true, why else would you give up an awesome god like Odin?

Sometimes we have to face facts, it may not be the news we like to hear, but Christianity must be real, because we would be stupid just to give up a God that promotes drinking, sex.

Odin is a widely revered god in Germanic mythology. Norse mythology, the source of most surviving information about him, associates Odin with wisdom, healing, death, royalty, the gallows, knowledge, war, battle, victory, sorcery, poetry, frenzy, and the runic alphabet, and depicts him as the husband of the goddess Frigg.* How fucking awesome is that. But what do we know about Jesus? He was frail, weak, died on a cross, never wore shoes. The biggest battle he participated in was flipping over a few tables in the temple in Jerusalem. Kind of pathetic. But it's that particular brand of pathetic that proves Jesus to be true.


"Would you really follow a god this pathetic if it weren't true?" asks Larry Dule, Christian theologist. "Think of all the other fucking cool gods out there. I mean, the Hindus have a monkey god. That's awesome."


Through logic and process of elimination, Jesus is the worst role model. Dule concludes, "He is meek and filthy. I wouldn't think twice if I passed him on the street. He must be the right god."


Dules writes, "Tell me, would you rather sit in eternal servitude to a guy with a foot fetish, or dance with the Valkyries as you ride winged steeds into a battle protecting the realms from frost giants. Am I right?" His rationale is, that you wouldn't. That is why Christianity is the true, because who would make up a story as pathetic as Jesus. A whining demi-god, who is also a god, who hangs out in the desert with his nemesis, who he cast out, and won't touch a woman. "No wonder I fall asleep in church."


That's why there are so many followers of Jesus, because they can't be fooled by the good time that the other gods allot for mortals. Jesus makes you abstain from good times on Earth just so you can hang around him in Heaven, where he also makes you abstain from good times. "Seems legit to me." Dule admits.


#religimarole #satire #parody #Jesus #christianity #Odin #Valhalla


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