• Samuel Jacobs

Christian Soccer League disbanded: Teams kept moving the goal posts.

The CSL, consisting of 3000 teams, has been disbanded yesterday because every single team in the league kept moving the goal posts to suit their needs.

The Christian Soccer League was disbanded because all of the teams could not agree what constituted a goal, and when one team scored, the other team would deny it, and make some excuse why it was invalid.


One of the worst offenders were the Catholic Crusaders who kept disagreeing to the current rules, and wanted go back to the archaic rules the league had when it started.


The Crusaders also took the stance that the Arch-referees were the ultimate in goal keepers, and that they were the final word, whereas the other teams didn't recognize the arch-refs as arbitrators of the game.

"They [the Crusaders] would say that the team could buy indulgence goals to help them win the game." said Jake Hamish, the owner of the Pious Protestants. "That's totally not in the current rules."

Another of their unfair tactics involved invoking an extra 'power forward' by throwing a wafer on the field and saying communion. And that the length of each half took so much longer than what the other teams were willing to play. "It's just too long. We can't focus for that long." said John Piscopo, owner or the Episcopal Pontiffs.


The Unitarian Dissenters think there should only be one referee and not the three that they have been using.


Real United isn't even concerned about the rules, they just want to have a good time and even have several nonChristians on their team. "We have a rabbi that can really move." said Stacey Crenshaw, the team's defense.


The Baptist Dunkers don't have cheerleaders, and shun those who do. The Calvin Schisms often trade players with the Lutheran Eucharists and so forth. The Jehovah Witness Ringers won't stand for the national anthem.


None of the teams recognize the Mormon Marauders, who were founded by a scam artist. They wear an extra layer of uniform and their rules were unrecognized in the sport because they felt that they could have as many goalies in net as they wanted.


#satire #religimarole #Calvinism #Catholic #Protestant #Lutheran #Mormon #Episcopal








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