• Samuel Jacobs

Catholic parents don't know how to react after finding son masturbating to bible.

While in the bathroom with the water running, his father questioned the teen why he was in there for so long, and when he opened the door, he was surprised beyond belief.

HOUSTON, TX, A teenager's parents have cognitive dissonance because although their son is touching himself in an impure manner, he is doing it while reading his bible.


Although the teenager cannot be named in this article, he is the only son of Jared and Karen Steckley and was caught choking the chicken to the holy book. His parents were devastated at first because it goes against their Catholic beliefs but when they realized that he was diddling to the bible, they felt a bit of pride.

"We don't know how to feel. On one hand, he is reading his bible, but on the other he is sinning. Do they cancel each other out?" asked Karen.

They brought him to confessional and asked their priest what they should do? Should they refuse to allow him to read the bible if he is becoming so sexually aroused that that he needs to masturbate, or should they continue letting him fondle himself and then just seek absolution for his sins? To which the newly transferred Catholic priest just told them to bring him to church more often so he can keep an eye on him. Maybe even have him become a choir boy.


"Everyday he keeps quoting something new and perverse. His favorite is EZEKIEL 23:20-21." continued Jared, "We don't know what to do. We're so distraught, and proud."


The passage he of course is talking about is this: There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled. (NIV)

Karen added, "He says he used to like Song of Songs, where the real naughty stuff is, but after a while, the pages stuck together."

In the mean time, they have refused to let him watch television or play video games, which he doesn't want to do anyway, he just wants go into his room to read the bible.


#satire #parody #religimarole #maturbate #Catholic #sins #Ezekiel


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