• Samuel Jacobs

CDC Suggests: Boil yourself after coming in contact with any priest.

Updated: Mar 14

The CDC has released a few other preventive measures to avoid all diseases when dealing with the clergy.

The 'Clergy' already has a weirdly diseasey ring to it, so it wouldn't be surprising that the CDC has compiled a list of things that one should do when coming in contact with one of them either casually or intimately.


When asked if these precautions were because of the coronavirus, the head of the CDC responded, "What Virus?"


LIST OF THINGS TO DO IMMEDIATELY

  1. If you can, boil yourself. I'm not talking a hot shower or bath, I'm literally talking a giant pot of boiling water. It will get rid of anything that is effecting you on the outside.

  2. Bleach. You cannot have enough of it. To wash your home, to rinse the dog. And if the Pope kissed you, gargle.

  3. Take Freezer bath. A large freezer that holds your body, lay inside it for a couple of hours at a time. This will slow down any contagions that are active.

  4. Chicken soup.

  5. Gouge your eyes out, because you will relive that incident over and over again in your head until the day you die.

By completing the list, it is the only way to remove any sort of pathogen that the member of clergy may have transferred to you during contact. For more information contact the Center for Disease Control (CDC).


#satire #religimarole #clergy #atheist #atheism #chickensoup


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