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  • Writer's pictureSamuel Jacobs

BREAKING: Science reveals that Adam and Eve were monkeys.

After years of evolutionary biology not being able to reconcile with creationism, a new research study has revealed the obvious - a set of Creation Monkeys.

Dr. G.R. Fredo, The leading professor of Evolutionary Biologist at the University of Michigan has concluded that evolution and creationism do have an intersecting path and that Two monkeys about 6000 - 10000 years ago were the biblical Adam and Eve.

"The evidence is irrefutable." said Dr. Fredo, "We have devices that measure this sort of thing and it's telling us that Adam and Eve were not only monkeys but of the Bonnet Macaque species."

According to Wikipedia, this Old Testament monkey is a diurnal animal. Captive monkey can live up to 35 years. Dubbed 'The Creation Monkey' by Dr. Fredo, acts and performs just like modern day people. they feed on fruits, nuts, seeds, flowers, invertebrates, and cereals. In southern India, this macaque exists as commensal to humans, feeding on food given by humans and raiding crops and houses.

How are there still monkeys?

When asked about the controversy this will cause, Dr. Fredo assured me that this wasn't going to cause controversy, but instead satisfy a long held debate about evolution and creationism. With both questions answered, the world can now move on to more pressing matters.

Creation monkeys still exist and thrive in India.


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