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  • Writer's pictureSamuel Jacobs

BREAKING:Pot smoking, sequestered Pope accidentally elects new Pope.

Pope Francis accidentally elected a new pope while smoking pot in the Sistine Chapel.

Vatican City. While the entire world is on lockdown, Pope Francis is no exception. Everyone is at home with their families, while Pope Francis wanders around Vatican City by himself trying not to go bonkers. One of the ways he relieves the boredom is that he will partake in a little chronic while looking at religious art. (I know, right?) This includes Michaelangelo's 'The Creation of Adam' on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.

The Sistine Chapel just happens to the be building where the Cardinals meet for conclave where they anoint a new Pope when the time is necessary. Unfortunately a critical error has happened and the Vatican doesn't know how to rectify it. Pope Francis ended sparking up and the smoke rose and signaled that there was a new Pope.


Not only is there not a new Pope chosen, but all of the Cardinals are sequestered in their own countries and cannot make it to Vatican City. Catholics all around are wondering what is going on?

"Catholic leaders have gone crazy. They have set fire to buildings and are indiscriminately sinning." Reported the Papal News. "They are violating children -- right in the open. It's insane."

According to Papal law, the Catholic Church is now without a Pope until it can be rightfully rectified with a proper Papal Conclave after the pandemic is over. Pope Francis cannot be called Francis anymore, and has to revert back to his old name, Jorge Mario Bergoglio. Bergoglio has to move out of Vatican city until further notice.

St. Peter's Basilica now AirBnb.

Because the Catholic Church has to continue profiting, they have turned St. Peter's Basilica into the world's largest and most luxurious Airbnb. At a hefty price tag at $5000 a night, it's surely a Catholic lover's dream vacation.


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