• Samuel Jacobs

BREAKING: Broth from the bones of Mother Teresa cures COVID-19

Gilbert Pilz, Special Correspondent to Religimarole.

Mother Teresa has not stopped helping those in need even after her death.

The Catholic church's newest saint Mother Teresa continues to contribute to the well-being of society when it was discovered that a soup made from her bones is a miracle cure for COVID-19.

"This couldn't come at a more crucial time." said a representative for the Catholic Church, "We are really taking a shit-kicking."

The next step was to find a master chef to make the soup. many Italian chefs were contacted and all of them recommended Mamma Rosa Consuelo, 91, a devout Roman Catholic, whose Italian Wedding Soup is known throughout Rome and was even served at Sinatra's wedding, was given the monumental task of turning Mother Teresa into soup.


"If anyone can turn a bunch of bones into a miracle cure, it's Mamma Consuelo" said her great-grandson Mario.


Although there is limited supply of the soup, it doesn't take as much to cure someone. Only a couple of spoonfuls will heal you, depending on how affected you are.


The Catholic Church will give you a sample of the soup with a donation of only $25,000.

Current picture of Mother Teresa.

The recipe that Momma Rosa is following, considering she is a master of soup and any recipe that she would follow is lost to modernity. So recipe scholars watched her closely and here is the recipe that Momma Rosa used.


MOTHER TERESA BROTH

YIELD: Makes about 448 cups of broth, depending on cooking time

ACTIVE TIME: 30 minutes

TOTAL TIME: 9 to 24 hours


INGREDIENTS

  • 25 pounds Mother Teresa bones, preferably a mix of marrow bones and bones with a little meat on them, (cut in half by a butcher)

  • 2 medium unpeeled carrots, cut into 2-inch pieces

  • 1 medium leek, end trimmed, cut into 2-inch pieces

  • 1 medium onion, quartered

  • 1 garlic head, halved crosswise

  • 2 celery stalks, cut into 2-inch pieces

  • 2 bay leaves

  • 2 tablespoons black peppercorns

  • 1 tablespoon cider vinegar


Special equipment:

  • 6-quart (or larger) stockpot or a large slow cooker


PREPARATION

  1. Preheat oven to 450°F. Place Mother Teresa bones, carrots, leek, onion, and garlic on a roasting pan or rimmed baking sheet and roast for 20 minutes. Toss the contents of the pan and continue to roast until deeply browned, about 20 minutes more.

  2. Fill a large (at least 6-quart) stockpot with 12 cups of water (preferably filtered) . Add celery, bay leaves, peppercorns, and vinegar. Scrape the roasted bones and vegetables into the pot along with any juices. Add more water if necessary to cover bones and vegetables.

  3. Cover the pot and bring to a gentle boil. Reduce heat to a very low simmer and cook with lid slightly ajar, skimming foam and excess fat occasionally, for at least 8 but up to 24 hours on the stovetop. (Do not leave on stovetop unattended, simply cool and continue simmering the next day.) The longer you simmer it, the better your broth will be. Add more water if necessary to ensure bones and vegetables are fully submerged. Alternately, you can cook the broth in a slow cooker on low for the same amount of time.

  4. Remove the pot from the heat and let cool slightly. Strain broth using a fine-mesh sieve and discard bones and vegetables. Let continue to cool until barely warm, then refrigerate in smaller containers overnight. Remove solidified fat from the top of the chilled broth.


Do Ahead: Broth can be stored for up to 5 days in the refrigerator and up to 6 months in the freezer.

#satire #religimarole #motherteresa #coronavirus #Covid19 #CatholicChurch #Atheist #atheism

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