• Samuel Jacobs

Jesus makes his picks for the big game, dispelling Pascal's Wager.

Updated: Feb 2

Find out how the Lord and Savior chooses who is going to win the Big Game and who is left repenting.

It all comes down to this. After 331 preseason, regular-season and playoff games, Jesus will crown a winner in Miami on February 2 with the San Francisco 49ers and Kansas City Chiefs doing battle for the right to be named Super Bowl 54 champions.


When it comes to odds on the big game, the Chiefs opened as slight favorites because Patrick Mahomes, Daniel Sorensen and Tyrell Suggs have gone to Church frequently and have continued praising God, just the way he likes it. Whereas The 49ers have rumored to have some atheists on their team, which can certainly hurt their chances in winning on Sunday.

"You just can't start praying during the playoffs. You either are all in or nothing." said Jesus, disappointed at the bandwagon praying. "You don't think I see through this shit?"

And in one fell swoop Jesus also dispelled Pascal's Wager. Pascal's wager is an argument in philosophy presented by the seventeenth-century French philosopher, mathematician and physicist, Blaise Pascal (1623–1662). It posits that humans bet with their lives that God either exists or does not. Pascal argues that a rational person should live as though God exists and seek to believe in God. If God does not actually exist, such a person will have only a finite loss (some pleasures, luxury, etc.), whereas he stands to receive infinite gains (as represented by eternity in Heaven) and avoid infinite losses (eternity in Hell).*

"By all means, bet with the stats. But in reality, the Chiefs are going to win because they understand that real talent and coaching means nothing when you have the lord on your side." mocked Jesus.

Super Bowl LIV will officially kick off Sunday, Feb. 2 at 6:30 p.m. ET.

The game will be televised through broadcast television on FOX and FOX Deportes in Spanish. Additionally, the game will be made available in Canada through CTV, in Brasil through ESPN Brasil and in the United Kingdom and Ireleand through BBC One.

In the United States, viewers will also be able to live stream Super Bowl LIV through Hulu with Live TV, YouTube TV, DirecTV NOW, Sling TV, Yahoo Sports and FuboTV.


*source Wikipedia.

#satire #parody #religimarole #superbowl54 #biggame #chiefs #49ers

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