• Samuel Jacobs

BREAKING: Vegas showgirl accuses Pope Francis of fathering child.

What started as a quick weekend away to Las Vegas last year for the AVN awards, Pope Francis apparently had a tryst with a Vegas showgirl and fathered a son.

LAS VEGAS, NV. Showgirl Sherilese Falterbras came out to the media yesterday accusing Pope Francis of fathering her son last year after partying too hard and having sex with her in a cocaine-filled, drunken stupor. "Although he was in disguise, I could tell it was him." claimed Falterbras. "He went by George."

"He sent a funny looking car to pick me up, so I was going to pass. But he threw around money more than anyone I had ever seen I thought, why not?" says Falterbras.

She claims that the car picked her up after her show, confiscated her phone and ushered her over to the most luxury suite on the strip: An entire floor in the Aria. When they got there, Falterbras claimed that it was like a massive orgy consisting of high rollers, celebrities, expensive call-girls and drugs, lots of drugs. "Epstein was there."


"He was very suave and seductive, like he's been doing this all his life. He wanted to tango." At which point Falterbras says the entire party went into a choreographed dance number to a tango version of Roxanne by the Police.


This wasn't the first time the Pope was caught in Vegas. According to sources, 'George' takes a trip at least once a month.


We contacted the Vatican Damage Control Department for their official response, and they had this to say, "You think that consensual sex is a problem the Catholic church has?" So far the Pope has not responded to the request for a paternity test.


#satire #religimarole #Pope #Vegas #Showgirl #CatholicChurch #Roxanne #tango

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