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  • Writer's pictureSamuel Jacobs

BREAKING: Evangelicals rush to release the Trump Redacted Bible.

In the light of the Prayer Breakfast where Trump directly contradicted the teachings of Jesus Christ, the religious right have released the new Trump Redacted Bible.

WASHINGTON, DC. Last Thursday at the annual prayer breakfast held by the white house, President Donald Trump took it upon himself to be less than pious and directly contradicted the teachings of Jesus Christ when In the keynote address before Trump’s speech, Arthur Brooks, a Harvard professor and president of a conservative think tank, had decried a “crisis of contempt and polarization” and urged his listeners to ”love your enemies.” (Matthew 5:44), in which Trump immediately disagreed.

“I don’t know if I agree with you,” said Trump. He then took a swipe at Utah Sen. Mitt Romney, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who had cited his faith in becoming the only Republican to vote for Trump’s removal.

This sent Evangelical Faith Leaders, led by Rev. Gary Justice Fremont, into a frenzy as they stood by with magic marker in hand ready to redact other passages in the bible that Trump disagreed with. At the end of the three minute speech, Rev. Fremont was drenched in sweat and PG cursing but he had done it. He had made the anointed Trump Redacted Bible. (TRB)

"Most of the bible had been redacted," explains Rev. Fremont. "Ironically, not lot of the Old Testament. Most was from the New Testament. There were some things in John that were kept, like the storming of the temple. He kept slavery and genocide. But got rid of all that 'turn the other cheek' stuff. He even talked about rewriting passages that mentions him, and not Jesus.

Other religious leaders were concerned at the audacity of the President, but hey, he's broke the State Religion separation clause in the constitution in favor of them, so why not?

"We are going to type this out and make it available to those on Trump's website for sale."


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