• Samuel Jacobs

BREAKING: Amish teen building time machine to save Jesus Christ.

The world knows the Amish are great with their hands, and an undercover reporter deep within the Amish community have discovered that one of their own is building a time machine.

Time Machine Amish Build to Save Jesus

Lancaster County, PA - For Amish youth, the Rumspringa normally begins around the ages of 14–16 and ends when a youth either chooses to be baptized within the Amish church or to leave the community. It usually lasts 2 years and most of the flock return to the community. During such an important time in an Amish youth's life they go out to experiment with what the world has to offer.


According to the whistleblower in this small Amish community, Jedidiah Candle, 18, returned with a book full of notes. It seems he found a copy of the 1985 movie Back to the Future and has mistaken it for a documentary. Within the movie, Doc Brown (played by Christopher Lloyd) tells Marty (played by Micheal J. Fox) that he could go back to see the birth of Christ if he wanted to.

This gave Jedidiah the idea to build his own time machine and travel back in time to save Jesus from being crucified. A task that he has been trying to do for two years.

When asked if he really thought it was a smart idea, because if he were to save Jesus, then the entire religion of Christianity would cease to exist. To which Jedidiah had this to say, "I'm a male in my late teens, you know how hard it is not touching myself? I need for this to end."


The time machine isn't expected to work because it's made out of wood and horse spit. What else would they use to make a time machine, mechanical engineering and a solid understanding of Quantum Physics? I doubt you'll hear about this story again.


#satire #religimarole #BTTF #Jesus #timemachine #Rumspringa


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